Just Go For It!

What would it be like to be that kid- to play the character of Max- in the upcoming film, Where the Wild Things? He's probably only 10 years old...and already, his life is taking on such magnificent proportions. I hope child actor fame doesn't mess him up.

I have never looked forward to a movie so much!!

I was sitting on the couch reading the NY Times magazine cover story about Spike Jonze, the director behind Where the Wild Things are, the movie. More specifically I was reading about him and Maurice Sendak, and the "leaky valve" they share.

John B. Carls (a Hollywood producer) said that despite their 42 yr age difference, Sendak and Jonze are "both still very much connected to that child self. There's a valve in all of us that shuts itself off between childhood and adolescence and adulthood. With Maurice, there's a leaky valve. Spike is the same way. He sees the world as a big playground."

I'm not saying that all life should be fun, or that we are only here to play. But what strikes me about this notion of the world being a big playground is that natural, effortless way we can perceive possibility. There is a mantra we hear as children, that Anything is Possible! It gives us so much reason for hope and so much to look forward to. Somewhere, reality starts becoming more evident, starker, with expectations, obligations, and failures with real consequences. Such is life, right? But it was amazing to read about people like Jonze and Sendak, who seem to operate outside this realm. They have an idea, they believe deeply in it, and do whatever it takes to see it come to fruition.

I have ideas. Tens, hundreds of them. Books I want to write, stain glass panels I want to create, entire collections of quilts I want to design; dances I want to choreograph, photographs to compose. At most, I make lists of these ideas for future projects. I am almost certain they will never get made. I worry about not having the skills, the resources, the time. My doubts and worry choke my creativity. My motivation wanes as I don't believe I have what it takes. What caused this Inability to Do?

I don't know what would ensue or result or splash off the page or canvas or bound in leaps across a stage, if I didn't feel this sense of needing to weigh the costs against the benefits, doing some kind of risk analysis (is it worth the time? the money?) Furthermore, I fear letting others down, letting myself down, embarrassing myself with bad decisions, asking for collaborative help for something that doesn't go anywhere.

A knotted tangle of reasons starts to build a strong case for Why Not To....the playground is more a labyrinth of tunnels with varying degrees of darkness, where things MAY be possible...At Your Own Risk.

In reading this article, I thought about my own childhood, and adolescence. I recalled feelings of being on the top of the world, and then a going through a period where I realized I was probably more mediocre than excellent, but unable to let go of ideas of greatness, and the dreams of forging my own path, but somehow too scared to take necessary risks that that kind of achievement and ambition require.

I am reminded of the importance to be brave. I remind myself that exploration and adventure are exhilarating- and it's overcoming the fear and seeing yourself do those things you didn't think you could do- that the same thing that makes it scary makes it exhilarating. And that's why I love to travel. And swim in the ocean even when it's rough, and struggle to write things that press beyond the bounds of what feels comfortable in my psyche.

And I'm not talking about verrry frightening things with really huge consequences either- yesterday I tried making lasagna for the first time, and I was mildly petrified it would turn out horribly. I was afraid I would've wasted $24 on ingredients, and two hours of time, only to humiliate myself in front of my friends, who had already begun salivating at the prospect of a meaty, cheesy, veggie-laden lasagna. By the way, just an important quick fact about me- the only cooking I do is heating up cans of soup.

I chopped carrots, celery, onion, a red pepper. I learned a smooth and efficient French technique for chopping, easy and effortless! Blanched the veggies, then sauteed the sauce- ground beef, stewed tomatoes, tomato sauce and paste, stirring in the vegetables... cooking the lasagna noodles, layering them, with the sauce, sliced zucchini, ricotta cheese, mozzarella, it became clear. There was no way this wasn't going to be success. And even if it didn't, I was having a great time. Cooking is creating, and I think it gets the endorphins flowing. Thirty minutes after baking, everyone dug in. Mouths stuffed, sounds of sumptious satisfaction came spilling out between mouthfulls of lasagna.

It was DELICIOUS! Somehow, I feel reborn. Breaking up the dams that keep me from trying things I am curious about. Letting the creative juices flow. Letting go of the fear! Cooking lasagna!

I had major help from a friend, which was essential. If it eases the transition into your new Go-Getter ways, I recommend a kind, patient and supportive hand-holder. If no one is around, I recommend reaching out to that part of yourself that forgives yourself easily, and holding your own hand, and then smiling, while you take the plunge.

Carpe Diem!